


Forced Confessions

by CheyanneChika



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Confessional, Crack, Deadpool being Deadpool, Ficlet, Flash Fic, Fluff, Forgive me Father Wilson for I have sinned, Gen, Improper Use of Catholic Rituals, Poor Peter Parker, Sassy Peter, Silly, confessional booth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 01:59:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10980987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheyanneChika/pseuds/CheyanneChika
Summary: Fighting Rhino leads Spiderman and Deadpool into a Catholic Church.  Shenanigans ensue.





	Forced Confessions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ingi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingi/gifts).



> I blame new friend Ingi for this. Totally all her fault.

Spiderman had to admit that being flung headlong into a Catholic church was painful in a surprising variety of ways.

Stained glass…

Pipes of a pipe organ…

Hard carved wooden railings…

Splinters…

Deadpool’s body being flung after him and on top of him…

Great, now he had to protect Wade’s body until he came back to life while still fighting the Rhino.

The fight didn’t last too much longer.  Peter webbed himself up to the steeple, broke free one of the pipes he’d dented with his body, and launched it at Rhino, sending him flying out of the church and stunning him long enough to web the crap out of him for the authorities.

Now to get Wade and get out of here.

Wade’s body was gone.  “Deadpool?” he called.

There was a faint giggle and Peter rolled his eyes so hard that it could be probably seen through his less expressive mask.

He started to turn only to have his spidey senses tingle a beat too late.  A hand grabbed him and he was manhandled into the conveniently placed confessional.  The door slammed shut and then the other side opened.

“Greetings child,” is what Peter assumed Wade was saying through choking laughter that made speech nearly impossible.

Peter tried to open the door but found it wedged shut.  “Wade, the police will be here any minute.  Let me out so we can go!”

“Not until you confess you sins!” Deadpool replied, still giggling while attempting to deepen and add solemnity to his voice.

Peter contemplated breaking the side of the confessional but he didn’t want to add to the damage they’d already done.  He was silently grateful that they hadn’t ended this fight in a church in Hell’s Kitchen or Daredevil would not be happy.  He sighed and said, “Forgive me Father, for—”

“Father Wilson!” Wade cut in.  “And it’s bless, not forgive.”

“How the hell—heck do you know this stuff?” Peter hissed before he took a soothing breath.  “Bless me Father Wilson, for I have sinned.”  He paused, unsure what came next.

“Now you say how long it’s been since you’re last confession.”

“I’ve never confessed.  Wade, seriously, let me out or I’m braking the booth.”

“Tell me you sins!”

“Well, I did just destroy a church,” Peter grumbled.  “And hit Rhino with a fifteen foot long pipe.”

“Now you say these are all my sins.”

“…These are all my sins,” Peter says through gritted teeth.  He could hear sirens.

“Say ten Hail Mary’s and you’re good to go!”  Deadpool said after a moment.

Peter was pretty sure there was more to it than that but he wasn’t going to say a word.  “Good, let me out.”

There was a scrape and he pushed open the door to see Deadpool, in full priest garb, somehow, tossing aside yet another pipe from the pipe organ.  “Let’s go.”

Peter sighed, not even asking about the outfit.  He just swung into the rafters, pulling his friend with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Lemme know what you think. I had a lot of fun writing this. Also, just in case you haven't guessed, I'm not Catholic. I'm sort of in Peter's position, and probably Wade's, which is kinda the point.


End file.
